dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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