you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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