Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
