We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was like eating out sand paper
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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