it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
