as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
