while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
