I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
