wakey wakey hands off snakey
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
