Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize