Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
