Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
