I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
