everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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