He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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