So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize