New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have aggressive nipples.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize