...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
