I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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