You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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