Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
