I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
