Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
