Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
