First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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