Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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