I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
