so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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