I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
