This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
