Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
