I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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