All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
