"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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