hotel room ftw
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
