how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
