I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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