awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize