I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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