The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
