I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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