She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Boobs are out for the taking
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
