where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
