people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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