also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
