I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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