ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize