Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
