I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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