wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
