I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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