it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize