im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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