So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
