New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
