My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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