if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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