If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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