please come you make the beer taste better
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
