it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
