is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
