I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
