girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
