The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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