I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
