Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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