I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
