Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize