I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
