she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize