Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's no shave November. This is our time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
