I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
