and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
