yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
