i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
