If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you inspire me to be a worse person
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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