You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
