I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
