Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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