How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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