The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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