Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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