naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
