I will die if light touches me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
