I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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