Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
